帮我批下toefl作文

"like all the students, i have to go to school"不能作为的原因。而每段必须要开头点明论点。第三段也一样。
结尾最好在点明观点。
"sometime teacher always try to let the slowest student to know,that wasted a lot of time and made the class boring"这句很费解，从句没有主语。"i learned a lot ."这句话放这里什么意思呢，很费解。不能说"go to the study "吧。"i was totally absorbed "我被吸收了？？？"i miss the lunch"没有这样说的吧。" i can never as accomplish this when "as多余了。
还有很多句子比较别扭，比如
第二段"as a shy person "的举例很费解，它和"sometime teacher always try to let the slowest student to know,that wasted a lot of time and made the class boring"有什么关系？？？？ 而且这里的"sometime"应该是"sometimes"吧
总之结构混乱+比较多的语法错误(more than I have pointed out)

第二段你可以这样开头"First of all, I do not like the atmosphere of studing with a teacher."结尾那段"it is a excellent advice that i can let the teacher go to my home to teach me,but that cost a lot that i can not afford"删去因为和论点"I do not like to study with a teacher."相矛盾。改成"Only via studing alone can I avoid these problems."

第三段这样开头"Second, contrast with following a teacher I can learn more if I study alone."

第四段的例子合并到第三段中。

这样，大体结构就有了。
至于语法错误，好好温习语法书把。第二段例子最好换一个。

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